So, taking LesterG’s suggestions and incorporating them into Nick’s original reviewing style, we can write a review that has some or all of the following bold headers:

Projection: Not necessarily putting your feelings on someone else, but I think projection quality and aspect ratio fit in here.

Sound: Do you hear what I hear? Or can you still hear after the THX intro blew out your eardrums?

Seating: Plush, lush, stadium, armrest, proper-sized cupholders…

Lighting: I always liked the running lights built into the floor

Cleanliness: it’s next to Godliness

Crowd: Do you want the money or do you want the mob?

Safety: For those with firearms, remember to leave the safety ON during the film.

Parking: Anywhere near civilization?

Concessions: Let’s all go to the lobby….let’s all go to the lobby

Pricing: I paid $10.50 and all I got was this lousy piece of paper

Screen Size: Should at least be bigger than your buddy’s widescreen TV

Screen Physical Damage: Was that hole here last time?

Odors: How we know smell is tied to memory: old roller rinks & old theaters

Staff: Is anyone shaving yet?

Management: Mis- or otherwise